Gosh! "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?" I hear Avril Lavigne singing over and over in my head. This is usually the lyric of my life after a friendship ends with a guy once he realizes that we'll never be in a romantic relationship. Why must things be so complicated? Is it a crime to truly just be friends with someone, or must EVERY friendship be leading to a romantic relationship? I sooo dont want to have THAT feeling anymore. You know, that feeling where you go and review what went wrong? What you said that you shouldn't have; the things you did that you never should have done, or allowed to be done, said,etc. Aaah! The thought of it makes me want to scream! So tonight, in an effort to AVOID having THAT feeling EVER AGAIN in regards to relationships/friendships with men, I sought the advice of a good friend ! I asked her questions like.....what should the "friendship stage" look like with a guy? How much is too much during that phase? Until you KNOW that you should move forward toward being more than friends.....what do you do?
In my effort to approach male-female friendships with a much different mindset than I've had in the past, I was digging deep to ask all of the "tough" questions! I am determined to have quality relationships that last! I want to get it right, ya know? I AM capable of having healthy friendships with people of the opposite sex. This is what she said......Until you know, keep it in NEUTRAL. Hmm.....that's interesting advice, I thought. Neutral? But neutral sounds so BORING. (I would think that! Such the mind of a serious ex-offender on many occasions in years past of manipulating men's minds, and leading them on to thinking that I was actually interested in developing serious relationships with them when I in fact just loved the attention, and had NO INTENT whatsoever in committing to a REAL relationship!) I kept thinking, You mean you don't put it in DRIVE? High speed, and then REVERSE real quickly when things get uncomfortable? or too far?............YIKES! My mindset needed more work than I initially realized!
I listened to her talk in detail about how men really do follow the woman's lead in terms of how far is too far and where she's willing to ALLOW the friendship/relationship/interaction to go. She explained that a man can and should make his intentions known but women get the final choice on what she's willing to accept, and how oftentimes, women end up hurt, confused, or disappointed simply because we allow ourselves to get emotionally involved with someone too early. I soon realized that she was correct. If there was any misunderstanding on where the relationship was going, or thing seemed to get out of hand, it was MY FAULT! I was the one that made things complicated! Whether he initiated it or not, I chose to or not to internalize the comments he made, things he said, etc. She convinced me that until we are sure that we should move forward.....we should just keep it neutral. Simply a friend/brother-sister relationship! After all, its the safest way to make sure we don't CRASH and BURN later!
Good advice! One day, I will put it in DRIVE (remaining careful to follow all the precautions, speed limits(from mentors) and take note of hazard signs) but until then I'll be putting it in NEUTRAL (minimizing flirting, one-on-one interactions, watching my conversations, and definitely pumping the brakes when needed.) It really is the best choice to minimize confusion, ill-intentions, misunderstandings, and even potential disappointment in the future.
Waiting for Stratford and keeping it in NEUTRAL until I KNOW its him!
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